An Ode to Mom

Posted: 10th May 2015 by aseem.ace in Thoughts
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mothers-dayAs I tend to frequently remind her she was the inspiration for my first ever creative effort. Of all the muses I have flirted with the most enduring one. What can one say about a mother that’s not been said or expressed in the choicest of words or in gestures and expressions that are over and beyond the power of scribbled sentences? I will try anyways.

From the fogs of my earliest memories I can recall the times I was up to no good (and to the utter horror and grief of my parents those times were many) and all she did was scold or chide me. Never has she hit me in exasperation. Amazing patience and fortitude must have been required considering all the little and big things I have done as a child ( I like to think I don’t do such things anymore, but who am I really kidding :P ) .

When I fell sick the tender care with which she nursed me back to health made her seem like a Florence nightingale and a personal angel rolled into one.  The frequent prayers and her wishing to take my sickness upon herself to alleviate my misery. 1.5 years ago I had a dose of the same tender care as I felt like a child again looking up at my big beautiful angel as she fussed about me.

The hard commute to work to earn for giving us a semblance of the good life. Working long hours and commuting through ways which were pretty tiring and harsh; yet returning home with the widest of smiles. Pushing me to achieve more, be more . To realize and fulfill my potential.

The journeys where I kept my head in her lap and slept blissfully. Unaware of the heat, humidity and the discomfort it would have been for her on umpteen occasions.

The harsh suffering that came our way 5.5 years ago taking away the best imaginable father and husband and our journey after that has brought us closer.  I had an opportunity to be by her side through the biggest turmoil of our life and she showered me with love and blessings far beyond anything I ever did for her. Leaving her alone with naught but my faithful dog for company is a harsh reality that makes me feel guilty every day.

Seeing her face light up when she plays with my nephew is an indescribable joy.

Mother

Her innocence, charity and benevolence makes me want to protect and cherish her. Everything good in me comes from the exemplary conduct I have witnessed her and dad presenting an example of every single day I spent with them.

Through my triumphs and failures she has stood by me. The person who would celebrate my joys and console me on my losses without fail. We may have our misunderstandings , fights and skirmishes but we fight freely only with the people who we know will always forgive us. So forgive me mom for all my harsh words.

Bringing a new person into my life as my partner for the rest of my journey was made so much easier by her warm acceptance. The bond that is nascent yet stronger every day between my mom and my Wife to be makes me happy and proud to have these two beautiful ladies in my life.

I may be far mom but my thoughts are always with you. You are the rainbow after a thunderstorm and my true home would always be incomplete without you. With dad gone and no way to even start repaying my tremendous debt to him; plus the place you hold in my heart, all I will ever do for you will be but insufficient. May you have a happy, healthy and wonderful life ahead. All of us love you and cherish you so much. Happy Mothers’ Day mom.

By- Aseem Mahajan

 

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Envy

Posted: 28th April 2015 by aseem.ace in Thoughts
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envy

They do not envy your loss, they only envy your gain,
They envy your happiness, they do not envy your pain,
They envy your wandering, they do not envy that you are hopelessly lost,
They envy your enjoyment of the snowfall not the pain you endure with the frost,
They envy your winter sunshine and the summer breeze caressing you with its calming essence,

They do not envy the ones you lost and the ones you ache for even if for an ephemeral presence,

They envy your togetherness and do not envy the long periods of longing,

They envy your interesting life and not your sense of not belonging,

They envy the sane and happy people in your life who bring you joy,

They do not envy the ones who leech your spirit of all hope and with your feelings irascibly toy,

They envy your hope and optimism in the face of defeat,

They do not envy the stress and anxiety you feel as with trepidation you try to your demons beat,

They envy your wings and your flight into the clear open skies,

They do not envy your crashes and the moments when your spirit a slow death dies,

Struggle

They envy your possessions material and otherwise,

They don’t envy your fading into oblivion in failure’s vice,

They envy what they perceive as an achievement or happiness,

They do not acknowledge or envy your mind numbing pain and duress,

They envy everything positive in your life and turn a blind eye to your struggle,

You cry in anguish and they turn a deaf ear and along with your sadness this wanton apathy too you juggle.

By Aseem Mahajan

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“When a small child, I thought that success spelled happiness. I was wrong, happiness is like a butterfly which appears and delights us for one brief moment, but soon flits away.” -Anna Pavlova


Happiness-elusive

It peeks at us from around the corner. Smiling invitingly. Singing the siren’s song to mesmerize us. And as we rush towards it the damn thing vanishes into thin air mocking us to the very end.

It shows a glimpse of itself in shadows on sunny days. On a rainy day we catch its scent as petrichor or  get drenched with it as we dance under a rainy sky with a loved one. It rises as a vapor from that hot cup of your favorite beverage on a cold day. Like the whiff of a bonfire amidst the glorious mountains it tugs at our heartstrings. But like a mirage taunting a dying person lost in a desert it promises us the safety line of an oasis and then fades away leaving naught but emptiness in its stead.

happy

Why do we declare that our intention is to be happy and then we do everything that makes us unhappy? Obsess about things that aren’t as important as we build them into. Know what would make our lives easier, less stressful and happier and then in our laziness and apathy ignore those very actions. Misunderstand, mistrust and derive negative meanings out of statements made by people who obviously care so much about us that they couldn’t have possibly meant it that way. Insulting and pushing away those who love us. Letting the negative people enter our mind space and sow seeds of doubt. Do jobs that make every day a task rather than an exciting journey towards a particular goal. Let egos get the better of our rationality and empathy. Know our reactions are irrational and not apologize anyways. Take people who care the most for our success and happiness for granted.

choice

The beast slips away due to one or the other reason. We gasp, grasp at straws and blame the world and everyone else but we are responsible for our own happiness or unhappiness. To catch and tame the beast what we need is empathy; trust; hard work; taking responsibility for our own actions and their consequences; and a little slice of luck. But damn it one or the other is mostly lacking. And amidst plenty there is a drought. The beast is not scarce but very wily. So if you catch it do share it with the rest of us. Let’s have a hearty meal of happiness sprinkled with positivity and maybe, just maybe, a significant number amongst us may not feel famished anymore.

For me there are little islands where the beast finds it difficult to hide from me. As I stare into those smiling eyes of hers and hold those beautiful delicate hands, as if they were a life vest and I were drowning in this merciless ocean that existence is, I catch more than a glimpse of this elusive beast. And I know I have to hold on with all my might to those moments; for happiness is the most precious treasure of all and the one who can take me to it the most important person in my time on this ball of blue floating amidst the stars.

By – Aseem Mahajan

 

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Shipra and Me

 

With thoughts of you my words spontaneously bleed,
On our happiness and love they flourish and feed,

happy page -US

 

 

You fit so snugly in the nook of my arm,

With you by my side the greatest challenges seem benign hurdles and the world’s blows seem to do no harm,

HAPPY PAGE- ARM AROUND YOU

 

 

That crazy twinkle in your eyes as I look upon that angelic face makes me swoon inside with joy and gratefulness at discovering you,
Staring into your eyes I lose myself and all that I ever was before you waltzed into my life when I was down and blue,

My name sounds like a beautiful song when you utter it with that loving inflection in your voice,

I feel incredibly lucky that of all the men in the world who would have been lucky to be your partner you advertently or inadvertently made me your choice,

Voice

 

 

I re-emerged new born and happier with a spring in my step and hope brimming over the rim of the shallow cup of my full heart,
Life began anew and my soul was refreshed as a wonderful journey with you I began to start,

Airports have become the terminals where we find and lose each other all over again,

Just being at an airport now makes me nostalgic and fills me up with a bittersweet pain,

Happy page airport

 

It’s been a while now but the love is as alive as ever and scaling new heights every day,
Just as I think this is the peak of my affection to make me grow fonder you somehow find a way,

Sleeping with you by my side or cuddling with you is going to be an incredible joy,

Every time I wake up I want to look at that beautiful face and with those impish hair toy,

happiness page waking up

 

 

The happiness of finding you is an unprecedented joy that gave purpose to my meandering soul,
Your unanticipated  but extremely welcome smiles and love filled the void within me and your existence made my hollow universe seem for the first time to be an entity whole,

Your voice even when talking about the most trivial things is a haunting melody mesmerizing me,

I smile noticing your quirks, your excitement, your joy and the happiness in your voice and how with each other we can say anything and everything being totally free,

happy page listening to you

 

Your kisses and caresses are sure to send waves of ecstasy running through my previously tattered mortal shell,
With you in it my life changed its course to a heavenly interlude from what seemed like an inevitable downward spiral to hell,

happy page kissing

 

You excite me and make me feel so alive,

Into a new sea of happiness with you I have been allowed to dive,

You sleeping with your head in my lap or me keeping my head in yours,

There is indescribable joy coursing through my body in those moments wherein I could stay happily lost for hours,

Happy page falling asleep

 

Loving you comes naturally to me and every day I strive to be more worthy of being loved in return,
For despite logic you love me immensely as I scratch my head to figure out why?, while basking in the warmth of your love which I somehow did earn,

Listening to you before I fall asleep has become as essential as air for my continued existence or so it seems,

With your random spurts of affection and childish expressions of love I smile broadly and the very essence of my being with a radiant joy beams,

happy page bed time stories

 

Witnessing your silly moments and that occasional ridiculous laugh is such a joy to behold,

There are just so many things about you that make me happy that you are almost too precious to me truth be told,

Happy page laugh

 

 

I may not be a great or even a passable dancer but for you I will try as your exuberance while dancing warms my heart,

To be your dance partner this idiot with 2 left feet will efforts to find some sort of rhythm start,

happy page dance partner

 

 

We may have our share of misunderstandings and we may over the most ridiculous things fight,

But at the end of the most heated arguments but a word of love sets everything right,

happy page hug

 

You are my soul mate, my best friend and my lover all rolled into one incredible human being who has become my most precious and vital thing,

We may be far in terms of distance and the fights may seem to make the distances more biting but at the end of the day I will always come back to you as true joy to my existence only you can bring,

happy page best friend

 

I am in love with you and with us and the very essence of happiness for me is being with you or knowing that you are happy and in love with me somewhere,

In physical forms we may be apart but in spirits we are together forever in the future and in the here,happy page forever

 

Happy Valentine’s day my love and thanks for being there in my life,

Can’t wait for the day we are together formally too as man and wife.

happy page you in my life

 

By- Aseem Mahajan.

Images Courtesy the Happy Page.

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happy 3

The smile from a random stranger in return to a genuine smile from you. Conversations with strangers in a language you don’t even understand but the kindness and warmth of that conversation beams a universal  message of good will.

Finding the one when you weren’t even looking. In the process finding the questions to your existential crisis- Why do I exist? What’s the purpose of life?  For you realize that you exist to fill your days with happy memories of being together and loving each other.

The child holding her father’s hand as she skips down the steps.

The wide smile on your dad’s face when you achieve something. That hint of pride and unselfish joy in that face that truly smiles for you.

Your mom’s tears of joy when a torrid period of your life ends and a new happy chapter begins.

The genuine smiles you share and the tears of joy you and your family shed when a little bundle of joy pops into your world.

Playing with an animal. Your dog or the random dog tied near a coffee shop.

Witnessing a random act of kindness. The stranger that distributes food packet to the beggars and walked on without expecting or accepting any gratitude. The random stranger who feeds the diseased dog everybody else shuns. The random stranger playing and feeding a random stray on the road as you walk home.

The street musician who fills the every day world with his own brand of unique music.

Reading a book that thrills you, fills your mind with wonder or broadens your understanding of the journey of life. Curling up with a good book and a hot piping cup of coffee on a rainy day.

Petrichor.

Getting drenched in the rain when you want to.

Having that wonderfully brewed cup of coffee.

Buying food for a hungry man or woman. Seeing genuine gratitude and a smile that lights up everything around.

happy 2

The secret charity which you cherish above your achievements in terms of personal satisfaction. It may be for self gratification but knowing that you are doing even a little of what you really meant to do as an idealistic child is sheer bliss.

Seeing her face light up with joy when you do something for her. Gifting her something she likes.

End of a horrible limbo in the best possible way. You started with nothing and you end with someone special in your life and a new beginning on the horizon personally and professionally.

The time when you are down and your dad says exactly the right thing. And that failure doesn’t seem the end of everything as it did before the conversation ; for you have unselfish love at your back.

The time when you have given up on happiness and it randomly and unannounced pops in for a visit.

The time when your mom gets super excited about your newly discovered love.

The time when you gain acceptance into a group where you really wanted to belong.

The time when a cherished dream becomes a reality.

The time when the wanderer discovers the freedom of the open road.

The time when you are totally lost but there’s nothing else you would rather be doing or nowhere else you rather be.

The fascinating philosophical discussion with random strangers from  exotic countries or from a corner of your magnificent country.

The time when you face your fears and undertake something. Rafting when you are more than a little scared of deep or fast moving water and then laughing about the thrill and the fear transforming  into a little medley of joy.

The first and every time you bungee jump.

A chat with friends about the good old times.

An acknowledgement of your contribution to something.

A fun conversation, dinner or trip with friends or family.

Making an effort to be better and healthier for that special someone who truly cares.

Joy 1

Holding your nephew for the first time.

That time when your puppy licks you awake.

Landing that dream job or the closest approximation of one.

The time when you sway to music lost to everything but the beat.

She saying yes to your most vulnerable proposal.

The time when you are drunk on joy and exhilaration at doing or achieving something you thought would never come to be.

This is but an incomplete list of the Little and Big joys that make up the tapestry of this infinitely complex yet brilliantly simple journey called life.

“They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.” ― Tom Bodett

 

By- Aseem Mahajan

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Sad

He had often warned himself not to build castles and decks of dreams for they had a way of crashing down unceremoniously whenever he dared build them. He had stopped making that mistake after numerous crash and burns. But then he dared again. Hoping this time it would be different. He had suffered through enough and this was his redemption cometh. Oh how wrong he was !! The cruel Gods or randomness had other plans for him. He was allowed to dream and hope of a future brighter than he had ever dared to do before. And then it was all snatched away in the blink of an eye. He should have remembered that in the desert of life the likes of him never found an oasis . They always spotted the mirage.

He didn’t know whether to smile or cry. He was too used to it to be able to cry about it. He was too crushed to not.

He ambled home in a daze thinking about what new tragedy had befallen him. He had imagined togetherness and companionship. He was promised an empty home and hearth for the foreseeable future. He had his head up in the clouds but he was reminded that there was no ground beneath his feet. Hope is a strange poison. It builds up euphoria and then turns that into a pipe dream that taunts you from the beyond. He understood what John Greenleaf Whittier meant – ““Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, ‘It might have been.”

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Well as always whenever life knocked him down he swallowed his sadness and smiled. Tried hard to hope against hope for redemption. That same vicious cycle of forever hoping only to be denied time and again; with happiness tantalizingly close yet never attainable. He gathered the flimsy blanket of his courage, tattered by the storms and walked into the wind once again. Grimly determined to seek the Ambrosia of happiness once again. Despite the odds. Despite fates or randomness thwarting his dreams. He would live to fight another day. He wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of defeating him to the point of no return. He was a fighter in his own way. Not very courageous or skilled but a seeker of joy amidst the shadows anyways. A scrappy fighter searching for his own slice of heaven amidst the gloom.

hope-quote-sad-sadness-Favim.com-1061900

He smiled, more broadly this time and walked straight into the eye of the storm.

 

By- Aseem Mahajan

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forest night

On a clear winter night he ventured further into the unknown. Despite his love of adventure and a spirit tempered in the forges of extremes of failure and success he was still shaking inside with a curious mix of joy and trepidation. He was prepared for the unpredictable dangers that lurked on this path he had chosen. At least he reassured himself he was; as his heartbeat refused to heed his logic and as far as he could tell trumpeted his fear to all who could hear.
There were countless before him who had embarked on this adventure and many had found joy and glory. But there were legends and stories of those who had fallen or gone insane due to the perils of the unknowable. Those who lived out their lives in the strange lands dead inside and automatons trying to hide their reality but the fact that they were the walking dead was as clear as if they were but naked corpses for the perceptive mind. There were perils and horrors that would make the bravest of men queasy and there were temptations that would lure an ascetic into breaking his vows.

The only certainty was the uncertainty and unpredictability of what course the road would take. He was trying to look brave for those who were seeing him off and could not shake the feeling that he was akin to a well fed goat being delivered into the maws of a lion with happy faces signalling total apathy on the part of the spectators. Ah well, he had consented , nay, chosen this path to walk down . All the blame would squarely lie on him if it went awry and he would also get to gloat about the glory for any and all success to himself if not to the world at large.

His reverie was broken by the priest as he asked him to do the next part of the ritual. Marriage was a grand adventure and to cohabit with the strange yet wonderful creatures that women were, particularly she was, he was willing to challenge the odds. He smiled a smile meant to convey confidence and joy as he swallowed another bout of fear. This was a joyous day. Only his friends lamented the fall of another brethren. But they were too drunk on the celebrations to give a fig.

Funny Indian Couple

 

By- Aseem Mahajan

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