I understand my tests are popular reading in the teachers’ lounge.

Life’s disappointments are harder to take when you don’t know any swear words.

Reality continues to ruin my life.

Weekends don’t count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.

MOM, CAN I SET FIRE TO MY BED MATTRESS?”
“No, Calvin.”
“CAN I RIDE MY TRICYCLE ON THE ROOF?”
“No, Calvin.”
“Then can I have a cookie?”
“No, Calvin.”
“She’s on to me.”

“What state do you live in?”
“Denial.”

That’s the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria!

Its no use! Everybody gets good enemies except me.

As a math atheist, I should be excused from this.

I’m learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life … Procrastinating and rationalizing.

Calvin: I’m a genius, but I’m a misunderstood genius.
Hobbes: What’s misunderstood about you?
Calvin: Nobody thinks I’m a genius.

“Why isn’t my life like a situation comedy? Why don’t I have a bunch of friends with nothing better to do but drop by and instigate wacky adventures? Why aren’t my conversations peppered with spontaneous witticisms? Why don’t my friends demonstrate heartfelt concern for my well being when I have problems? …I gotta get my life some writers.”

“I’m a simple man, Hobbes.”
“You?? Yesterday you wanted a nuclear powered car that could turn into a jet with laser-guided heat-seeking missiles!”
“I’m a simple man with complex tastes.”

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